The world we live in revolves, among several things, around love (or so we are made to believe). Right from our birth to the day we merge with the cosmic whole, we are constantly told via books, music, movies, billboards and commercials that life is beautiful if you are in love with someone. Generation after generation of authors and poets have written pages upon pages about the beauty of love and those pages have been avidly consumed by the masses like us to build a Utopian vision of love. However, only when we truly love someone do we realize that love has infinite layers to it. Do not get me wrong - I am not saying that love is not beautiful - all I am saying is that it is not just the beautiful things.
People seek love and companionship to be happy. And there is plenty of happiness to be sought. There is a definitive joy in a dinner date, in the stolen kisses, in the interlocked hands. There is a sense of calmness in the long hugs and longer walks, in the nights spent sleeping in each other's arms. There is a sense of positivity that lures us into the throes of love, subconsciously or otherwise. But what we do not realize, for a very long time, are the not-so-beautiful aspects of a romantic relationship. The top of the list is probably fear. Love always comes bundled with fear. Even in the best of relationships, there resides an element of fear - of losing the significant other. In a more troubled relationship, the scope of fear is pretty substantial. People can be afraid of each other, of commitment, of abandonment, of violence, of falling out of love, of betrayal and a myriad of other things. There is no love that does not get accompanied by a sense of fear. Anyone who says otherwise is either delusional or lying. Think about the person you love most and you will know that fear inevitably follows you around.
Another aspect of a relationship that is not as rosy is perhaps hard-work. Relationships require constant effort to last. Even the matches made in heaven require a very earthly human effort to last a lifetime. Humans are fragile beings emotionally and mentally. There are mood swings, dilemmas, societal acceptability, peer pressure and so many other variables that any relationship can fall apart no matter the amount of love shared between the two people. It takes conscious effort from both sides to grow as individuals without growing apart. Relationships are fun at the onset. There is significant excitement when one is pursuing the other. Even the starting phase is filled with ample dopamine and serotonin. As flawed as humans are, in our infinite wisdom, we conclude that the entire relationship will remain as exciting and fun-filled. The reality dawns after a while and it is immensely harsh. Those willing to do the hard work are the ones who succeed.
One more element that turns out to be a major challenge is the people themselves. Even the best of human beings are flawed. A relationship relies heavily on people navigating the intricacies of each other's personalities. It is one thing knowing each other's favourite colour or cuisine (which is also important) but totally another thing to live with the other's fears, quirks, flaws and demons. It is not limited to that. Supporting each other's dreams, ambitions and hopes is also a taxing yet immensely important act of love. Then there is also the occasion of taking care of each other (the real "in health and in sickness" part) which requires empathy and patience. Loving someone encompasses a whole gamut of negative and positive personality traits. But, if you truly love them, you will love their darkness as well as their light; you will love the face they make when angry; you will love their irrational fears: you will love their dreams.
One of the most unavoidable challenges that we feel completely helpless about are circumstances. From physical distance to families not approving of the relationship to the timing when two people meet each other, there are often events and situations that make the possibility of two people being together close to impossible. There is only so much we can do in such scenarios. There is, of course, a design for each of us prepared by fate and there is only so much room for us to manipulate that. The best we can do is try our best - try our best to make that long distance thing work, try our best to convince our families, try our best to be with each other no matter the shape or form of the relationship. We are, after all, mere pawns on a cosmic chess board with only limited capability to wriggle around.
So, if you thought love was easy, I am sorry to be the one who shattered that myth (hopefully). Love is beautiful but it is also painful, full of anxiety, darkness, hate, anger, and fear. Love is pure bliss but it requires patience, dedication, and hard work. The next time you think you love someone, do ask yourself if you are willing to go through this “ocean of fire" for them or not.
